Have you ever sat back and thought about what you would say to the younger version of yourself?
I have. There is so much I would say. I would begin with this…
Dear Younger Me,
Life will get better. You will be happy.
I know you’ve dealt with some pretty horrendous things. The streams of tears running down your cheeks because they said they’d show up and didn’t, the avoidance strategies to protect yourself, the tough exterior… none of those things had anything to do with you.
All of that stuff says nothing about who you are or what you’re worth. It says a whole lot about the people who did it. It says that they were hurting and projected that hurt onto you.
I know you feel like you need to earn the love and acceptance of the people who should just love and accept you anyways. I know you feel like you’re walking on broken glass. So the pressure you put on yourself to be perfect is way more than any human can handle.
Sweet girl, love with conditions is not love. It disguises itself as love but it’s not love.
The ideas of needing to be a certain way or act a certain way or look a certain way… those aren’t on you. Those ideas belong to other people. You don’t need to fit that mould. You are perfect just the way you were created to be.
Embrace your love. Take hold of your big, loving heart and let it shine. Don’t hide your light to spare someone else that doesn’t really care hurt.
Dr. Seuss said it best… “Those who mind, don’t matter and those who matter, don’t mind.”
That only touches the surface. Like many people, I’ve been on a healing journey. I have heart to help other women begin their healing journey. If that’s you, I think you might like my email list. I send out a weekly rise up on Tuesday’s. It’s got tips on how to ditch the feeling hopeless and like you have absolutely no power in your life.
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Why does authenticity seem so hard to come by?
I’ve been listening to Matthew West’s song “Truth by Told” on repeat lately. It sings to my soul. I love the message and it got me to thinking about my own life.
I was talking with a friend earlier this week about how I’ve craved real, authentic connection for the majority of my life. A kind of connection where I feel safe to be the version of Emily I was created to be and not just the societal approved version of Emily.
It was a pretty deep conversation.
Then it occurred to me… is it other people that I’m craving the authentic connection with or is it an authentic connection to myself that I’m craving.
I think it could be a bit of both.
You see, we have all had our own level of trauma that tells us who we are is not good enough, not worthy, not loveable, not smart. In the process of these messages, it changes the pieces of our personality that we allow to shine through to the outside.
I’ve embarked on a journey that I have deemed, rising from the ashes. It’s a process where I’ve been digging threw all the layers of trauma that I’ve endured in my life and rediscovering and loving the version of me that’s been neglected for so many years.
Acknowledging the truth can be hard because sometimes it’s not what we want to hear. It’s not soft and fluffy. Burying the things that hurt can be a hell of a lot easier than dealing with them but, friend, I’m here to tell you that those emotional wounds are no different than a cut or scrape on your skin. They need air to heal. Speaking the truth is the only way to give them air.
It’s been an amazing process. Not easy but so rewarding. It’s been so refreshing to break down the wall of protection that I had built up around myself and start to love and embrace the beautiful person I was created to be.
I wrote a book on the framework that I’ve created around the process of rising from the ashes. It’s set to officially release next week but you can pre-order the ebook by clicking on the green button below.
Pre-order Rising from the Ashes Here
In part 1 of this blog series, I talked a lot about how the mind. Today, we’re going to talk about the body aspect of my mantra.
In my last blog post, I was talking a lot about I had pushed down a lot of hard emotions and I alluded to how that impacted my physical health but I’d like to unpack that a bit more.
A build up of emotions in your body can really throw your system for the loop. When your mood is off and if you’re like me and you’ve lived in a highly stressful situation for any period of time, you may have experienced first hand what that high stress situation can do to your health. If you haven’t lived in a high stress situation, let me spell this out for you.
Alright, so, stress triggers the body to produce cortisol. Cortisol triggers your fight or flight response and when your fight or flight response is on alert, your body slows functions and bodily processes that it deems less important like digestion. When your digestion is off, that presents many challenges but mostly results in nutrient deficiency.
Okay, how does all that translate into someone’s life? Well, for me, it meant that I had stomach/digestive issues from early on in my life. It meant that I had a severe hormonal imbalance which resulted in very sporadic and unpredictable menstrual cycles, a mood rollercoaster that I wouldn’t wish on anyone and excess weight that was and remains to be difficult to melt away.
When I started to deal with getting my mind right, it gave my body a chance to start to sort itself out as well. With less emotion being stored up, my body is using less energy on resisting the emotion and more energy on setting itself right.
All of this ties into business because I’m an entrepreneur that helps other entrepreneurial women build their businesses. If my mind and body are busy fighting themselves then there’s no room left to build a successful, kick butt business or help other women do the same.
If you’re tired of struggling with owning your life mind, body & Pinterest (or business) and you’d like to learn more about me, I invite you to join my community, Fierce & Independent Women where you will find a bunch of really great information about improving your mind, body and business.
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P.S. There’s a training in the units section that will teach you how to get started using Pinterest for your business in 5 days!
Recently, I had an experience where my feelings were invalidated because the person didn’t understand why or how I could feel the way I am feeling and have felt throughout my whole childhood.
If you are someone who has been adopted or raised by someone other than your parents, you will understand where I’m coming from.
The thought process I’m being challenged with… “You were raised by people who love you, so you have no right to complain”
Okay, I can see how someone could think this. For so long, I felt like I was massively misunderstood and like I was selfish for feeling the way I felt. What I have learned is that there is a very significant and justified reason for the feelings I have about my childhood.
I have found that this is a largely misunderstood topic so let me break it down for you.
We are all born with a mother and a father. It was intended by the universe for those two people to raise the child. There is a very strong bond between mother and child.
So, when the mother makes the choice to not raise her child and allow someone else to do it, or maybe she’s unable to care for the child for whatever reason, the separation from the mother is a very traumatic event… even IF it is fairly peaceful.
I have battled against many, many complicated feelings as I grew up. Now, as an adult, I am grasping the concept but I am still very much in a learning curve.
However, make no mistake… my feelings toward my childhood are no indication of being ungrateful towards the people who raised me. It is because of those people that I am the person that I am today. They gave me the foundation which gave me a fighting chance.
If you’re like me and you weren’t raised by your parents but you were taken in or adopted by loving people, your feelings are valid. You aren’t ungrateful or disrespectful for feeling unworthy, unloveable or anything else because your blood chose not to be part of your life. If you’re ready to move out of that feeling of defeat and move into a feeling of empowerment, check out my complimentary community on Facebook “defeat to empowered: Women reclaiming their lives after childhood trauma”
I have struggled hardcore with speaking up for myself, speaking up for the things I believe in because there is almost always someone standing right there, waiting to tell me I’m wrong. I
There are 3 things that have really stuck with me lately…
This sent me on a mission.. how was I going to do this!? Is there a cheat sheet?